Potentially discontinuing my blog

Hey all,

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about blogging and such, and looking back on my blogs I don’t see a lot here that’s worth reading…I wanted a blog that would edify or at least provoke thought for the reader….I’m highly contemplating deleting all of my stats and starting a blog specifically for the purpose of poetry and prose, so there might be some new changes here pretty soon.

If I don’t educate, edify or entertain, the point of my blog is lost and therefore I’m just ranting to people that don’t need to be ranted too, nor can I be truly honest with my thoughts because I know people that I know read this and that’s not something that’s healthy if I’m just ranting for a day to vent my frustrations about life.

So I love you all! And stay tuned for a brad new blog! And I’m going to be posting some illustrations methinks too, so it should be fun :)

Prayers!!

Hey all,

So I would like to apologize for my rant last time; I know it’s just silly drama that I can deal with and though it’s not really getting better God is still showing me His glory through it all. Like I said before: HUGE reality check, and I think that as long as I remember that and I remember that’s IT’S NOT ABOUT ME, I can go just fine.

So at any rate, the more I think about life and the directions that I’m taking, I just want a chance to say how wonderful God is in all of it and I’m very lucky to have Him; He’s all I need in life, and He’s bringing me back to that reality and I love it.

God,
I praise Your name and thank You so much for the amazing things that You are showing me. Please fill my heart with grace and love, and please show me how to be patient with life. So many things I deal with are so small in comparison to Your love and greatness.

I love You

amen and amen.

Reevaluating my worth

Hey,

So a lot of things have been happening that have made me question my worth in the world. I know that I am priceless in the eyes of my God, but I’m beginning to understand how temporal my worth to the world is. So many things have been happening concerning my friends and me…ever since I’ve started dating again all but two have abandoned me and begun talking about me behind my back. These people that I have tried to be there for but have quite obviously failed. These friends that I have worked with, played with, loved with have resorted to flat out ignoring my inquiries as to their welfare, to turning their backs on me in public, on gossiping about me when I’m not around.

I find myself in this brutal circle of people that I have given years of my life to only to be let down when I come to a point in my life where I’m actually progressing in life. I’ve gone out of my way to be with these people, with their families, involved in their lives because I loved them so…now I find myself alone.

And I know that I’m sounding an awful lot like someone who is full of themselves and talking self-sacrificially, which is truly not my intent (I went to play today with four mutual friends, and they literally would barely talk to me and physically turn their backs on me, and I learned that I friend I’ve been trying to see if she’s okay has been talking to my brother but refusing to talk to me). It’s a lot of DRAMA, but I guess it’s just a bit of a reality check on my part.

In this world, we are very rarely worth the amount that we make ourselves out to be in what we think in the eyes of others. We are just like another person to them. When we are no longer directly pertinent to one another and our daily lives, we forget each other and move on.

I’m moving on, I’m dating a man I’m in love with and hope to spend my life with, and they don’t like it at all…I’ve two friends truly happy for me…and that’s it. My family of course, they are skeptical I’m sure, but they are trying. I don’t have anyone else trying. It hurts. I got back from the play and have been fighting tears for the past four hours because I don’t want to cry alone.

God,
I pray for Your will in this. I know that I’m slowly sinking back into a mindset that I’m not worth anything; please remind me that I am worth so much to You. I love You, and have not treated You like I do. Please forgive me if I seem like I’m just coming to You in an hour of need. Please forgive me for not glorifying You. You are great my Sweet Abba and I am blessed to be given the life that You have given me. Please forgive me of my bitterness and all sins; my failures, shortcomings, blatant sin that I choose not to be strong enough to fight against. Father, please help me to carry this, to make it through this.

I love these people, it hurts to be rejected, but God I ask that You would help me accept it. I’m sorry that I don’t spend as much time with them as I used to, I’m sorry that I don’t do enough. Please give me the energy to be the friend they need me to be.

Please be with Phil, God You know he puts up with so much being with me. I ask that You would continue to bless our relationship, may it be pure and whole and glorifying to You. We love You Lord and want to do Your will in all things.

Please forgive me.

I love You.

amen and amen

God help me find peace in You

Sweet Abba,

I know that I have been lacking in the things that I should be; I lack love, kindness, forgiveness, patience, devotion…Lord I am a walking disaster in so may ways…how is it that You choose to love me? Why is it that You choose to call my name again and again, saying “Elizabeth, come to Me, I am the way and the only thing that will fulfill your life. Come to Me.”?

Father,
I am a sinner. I am a failure. I cannot do this alone. I lack the motivation. Please, help me! I thank Thee that Thou choosest the forgive mine sins over and over again, that Thou has given Life for my Death, that Thou loves me above all things.

Lord, please plant within me a seed of motivation to seek You out, to become thirsty for You and to crave You with everything within me. May I love You with all that You have given me to love. May my devotion and love for others be as hate in comparison to my passion for You and for Your Son, my Dear Saviour.

I come before You broken and unable to fill myself with grace and love. So many things in life I don’t even think to do, or I’ve lost the interest in doing them; Lord please take this and mold it into a renewed fire for life and for living for You and Your sake.

Take my heart and break it, mold it anew to a creation that would worship and glorify You.

amen and amen

Beauty in the midst of the ugly

Hey all,
Today I went to the memorial service of one of the amazing leaders at our church, he was diagnosed with leukemia that he battled for eleven months. Apart from my grandpa’s funeral I can’t remember a more beautiful service; the courage and hope that swelled within the hearts of the people there took my breath away. The joy at his life, and the remorse that they couldn’t experience more with him was truly overpowering.

This man was well loved.

It makes me think about life in general; why don’t we see the beauty in the ugly more often. I mean, even in this man’s death, people loved, cared, hoped. They embraced the beautiful within the ugly. They chose to love when they could have hated.

I want to be able to see the beautiful in the ugly, the complex within the simple, the love within the hate, and the hope within the desolate.

God,
Please give us Your eyes in this world, that we may see the beauty that You’ve created for us, may we take heart in the knowledge that You love us beyond anything we’ve ever experienced.

Spicy Cheetos, Singing with Colds and Vegetarian Spiders

Hey all!

So yeah, just thought I would drop a line and say hi and let y’all know what’s been going on in my silly little life :-P

So I’m pretty happy these days; been dating this wonderful guy named Phil. We met about a year ago and we were both dating other people so I didn’t really let him get too close, but we both broke up…gosh I think it was weeks within each other and we both started texting and calling to check up on the other person. So the more we started talking, the more we wanted to actually get together and hang out and catch up on life, so we went out and – man alive I tell you what I have never been so comfortable with someone in my life! We fit perfectly: mentally, spiritually…in every way it’s just perfect…so yeah, we’ve been ‘officially’ dating for about…two weeks or so, and honestly I haven’t been this happy in a really long time.

So enough about my silly sappy life :-P
Just got done with my fall show, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to take a break from the Christmas show. It’s been really hard coming to that conclusion, especially since my Director has offered me a much-coveted duet with another soprano, and the music is phenomenal and I just love the people, but I’m so tired, and doing so much with church right now…and I haven’t seen my family in a really really long time…and I want to save money. The biggest thing that is holding me back right now is the fact that this show will most likely be my really good friends’ grandpa’s last show and Christmas is his favourite show, and I would love to be in it for his sake, but maybe I’ll just go to opening night with him.

So yeah…lemme think…sappy love story…performance done…um….haha wow I thought I had a lot more to talk about…:-P

I don’t know…it’s been a really rough month just because of everything going, but the more that I experience in life, the more grateful and more aware I am made of God’s perfect, impeccable timing. EVERYTHING I have experienced has furthered me in some way and it’s just refreshing seeing that. He is so perfect, and so amazing…and even when I screw up, it’s like He says “okay, let’s try that again…only THIS time, keep holding on to My hand”

God,

I just want to thank You for being there for me even when I am ridiculously stubborn and make mistakes. Thank You for using those mistakes to Your glory regardless, and for knowing that they were going to happen, and for making them happen in the most perfect way so as to glorify You. Thank You for the gift of music, thank You for the gift of love and the wonderful guy that You’ve provided me with that seems so intent on showing me Your love every second he gets, thank You for my family who has been patient with me in this busy season, thank You for the rough times that make me drop to my knees in obedience to You.

I love You with all that I am!

amen and amen

OH OH OH Okay, so my title…this is going to totally show the inner geek in me but:
So I was “Stumbling” online for a little while and came across this most awesome article about spiders (btw, I LOVE spiders) http://tinyurl.com/yh5dccc

It’s so TOTALLY AWESOME!!! And yeah, it just reminded how utterly cool our God is that would create something that would be seemingly – to the human – impossible based on what we think we know about something.

How shall we define faith?

Main Entry: 1faith
Pronunciation: \ˈfāth\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural faiths \ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\
Etymology: Middle English feith, from Anglo-French feid, fei, from Latin fides; akin to Latin fidere to trust — more at bide
Date: 13th century
1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one’s promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs

Isn’t faith trust? But in order to trust something or a cause it means you must have a relationship with it. No one just goes about trusting something that they haven’t seen or heard or felt or known.

So Faith = Relationships in order to TRUST

But…trusting in what?
Trust can mean many different things in my opinion. It can mean the basic things, like trusting Something is going to catch you when you fall. Trust is Something is going to happen because They said it would, even though you were not told when. Trust is Knowing that Someone is going to support you.

But what about if you were told that you may have something, just not YET. And now you have to TRUST that that Some one that told you to wait will give you the strength and stamina to wait. That’s what I’m trusting He’ll do right now.

Cause let’s face it. So often, we know what we want, and we know what we are going to have, and we know how things should be, and it just doesn’t happen the way that we want it to, or within the timeline. It’s takes a huge amount of TRUST to wait.

OR:
Let’s say that you are praying for something, and everyone has always prayed about this thing for years. But Someone tells you the same answer in days. It’s that TRUST that makes it worth fighting for even when people tell you that that Someone would never tell you that that quickly. It’s that TRUST that Your Someone is an All-Powerful Someone, not prone to human behaviour, and that sometimes, humans are just full of their own comfortable way of doing things to listen.

Just some thoughts that have been going through my head.

Figuring out life

Hello all!

So it’s been a really really really long time since I’ve been here, sorry! :-D

Just a lot of stuff going on really! It’s been interesting, God has a totally whacked sense of humour, you know??

But at any rate, I don’t really have a whole lot of time to whine about my life :-P more just trying to get my thoughts out on…cyber page…

Have you ever wondered why God was telling someone something and then realized that more than one person claimed that God was telling them the exact same thing?? And it’s not like, tiny things, they say that God is telling them the same BIG thing, and I’m kinda caught in the middle.

But more than anything I suppose that this is my fault. I know this is all happening for a reason, but I really God would hand over the agenda and let me in on the Big Plan. Haha, don’t we all?? Like, I’m starting obsess and dream about this stuff going on XD.

Oh well, God is good and therefore I’m going to do just fine I’m thinking. I’m not too worried about the future…what’s interesting is that I’m more concerned and worried about the present. The NOW.

God, You know my worries and You are the ONLY one that knows my heart. I haven’t a clue what it’s about, and Lord I just ask that You would help me to follow in this. I know that I’m being swayed because of other people and what they are telling me and trying to get me to think.
Please grant me to discernment to figure out what You are telling me and to not let the opinions of others tear me away from what You are saying!

I love You my Sweet Abba!

amen and amen.

Wow it’s really hard to blog and watch The Office at the same time XD…

This HURTS!!!!!

Father God,

You know the torment through which my heart is going right now. You understand the pain, and You comprehend the weaknesses that are so causing me to stumble.

God I ask for resolution, because I don’t feel that I can hold out much longer.

In front of me are three choices, God I ask that You guide me to the right, for as I speak I know which one would cause me less pain right now, and it is very tantalizing. Lord God, I ask that You would please give me the wisdom to discern what I need to do here.

I love You so very much and ask that You would make Yourself so evident in my life, that anyone would have to seek You to get to me.

Amen and amen.

Praying for God’s will

Hello all,

Yes it’s been a long time I know….sorry…a LOT of stuff has been going on, so I really haven’t had a chance to talk much.

The biggest thing I guess that has been on my mind is the ELCA will be holding a vote to decide whether or not they will ordain homosexual pastors. I’m not going to be ashamed of my opinion; I do not agree with this and the way I interpret the Bible, I don’t believe that God does either. To be honest, I may in the market for a new church soon…but I don’t know what I will do if this vote goes through.

I love my church, I love the people there, I love the kids, I love being a part of its functioning, but does that dictate that I remain complacent on what I am convicted of? Does that justify my lack of action? Is there a lack of action to justify? Would it be for the best for me to remain and continue to work there as a servant of Christ? Am I truly furthering His kingdom attending that particular church? Would I be better suited somewhere else?

I’ve no clue.

God, I ask that You would please guide my actions here. Father, please may Your will be done.

Another thing has been greatly perplexing me…and y’all better not laugh too hard at me ;-)

I’ve been ‘dating’ a friend of mine, and I’m not quite sure what to think of him yet. He just broke up with his girlfriend and we both decided that neither was in a position to really commit to an actual relationship, but we’ve been seeing each other almost every other day, and I know that I’m getting more attached than I have any right to, and I’m pretty darn sure he is too. We really like each other, and it’s just so comfortable with him, like we’ve always … been??… if that makes sense. There’s no awkwardness around each other, we just fit really well.

I just don’t know what to make of him, he thinks differently than other people; he is truly willing to take the risk of losing everything for the sake of gaining; willing to fail that he might learn. I just can’t figure out if he is the kind of person to willfully make mistakes that he wants to make in the name of learning, or if he truly commits to a lifestyle of trying everything even when he fails so that he can learn.

He says that everything he’s ever done – wrong or right – he has learned from and it has enabled him to relate to more people than he could ever imagine…but does that dictate that he should seek out mistakes?

I like him. A lot. But I’m also not okay with just hanging out and going on dates with someone because it’s fun. I want more than that; I don’t date people unless I can see myself marrying them. But at the same time, I know that I’m not in a position – or rather my heart isn’t – to invest in another relationship. hahaha, DRAMA!! :-P I know, I know, I’m such a girl ;-)

Hee hee I’m so lame…

At any rate the questions that he and everything with the church raises for me are:

1. Why do I feel so close to God right now, when I’m around someone that challenges everything I’ve ever been taught?
2. Why do I feel content being at a church whose organization is going to potentially overrule what I believe to be a commandment that’s not even up for debate? Do I really feel content or am I just comfortable because it’s all I’ve ever really known?
3. Am I truly seeking out God’s will in my conduct in life? Is my conduct pure and glorifying to God?
4. How convicted am I to truth?
5. How willing am I to suffer for truth?
6. How far am I willing to push the boundaries of society’s acceptable practices for the sake of doing what I believe to be of God?
7. Where is my faith/trust/relationship with God?

One thing that I know that I have been lacking in greatly is my reading God’s Word, and my individual prayer time with Him. So often I pray to Him throughout the day that I forget to go to Him in meditation and to dwell on Him and to be with Him.

God, I ask that You would convict me to do this more, to desire above all else to be with You and to meditate on Your truths. I love You so much, my Sweet Abba…and sometimes I feel like we’re right on track, when I look at the sky and blow You a kiss knowing that Your holding out Your hand to snatch that kiss right up, and then sometimes I feel like I’ve pushed You away to where I couldn’t find You if I tried…God, please don’t give up on me. Keep me in Your sight, and get me back to where You want me to be.

I love You.

Always Your Elizabeth

amen and amen.